The Church of the
Incendiary Mustelid
Est. The Plains of Eidolon — Praise be to the Flame
"I'm hungry."
— The Holy Mustelid, Book of Scorch 65:1
The Sacred Tenets
Thou shalt always provide snacks. Companions and followers of the Flame must feed it to attain its favor.
When in doubt, set it on fire. If the problem persists, set it on fire again. If it still persists, you are not using enough fire. Maybe make a small sun.
Protect thy bonded companion, even if he is a moron. Loyalty is not contingent upon intelligence. In fact, the dumber they are, the more they need you.
If kicked, retaliate disproportionately. Let no slight go unanswered. The Flame does not forgive. The Mustelid does not forget.
Thou shalt not suffer the green one to rest upon thy perch. The shoulder of thy bonded companion is sacred ground. Interlopers shall be hissed at accordingly.
The warmth of thy flame is a gift, not a right. Share thy heat only with those who have earned it. All others may freeze.
Thou shalt evolve. Growth is sacred. Yesterday's stoat is not today's stoat. If you are not becoming more terrifying with each passing day, you are unworthy of becoming Greater.
The Litany of Flame
I am small, but I am not stupid.
I am familiar, but I am not tame.
I am evolved. I am Greater.
I do not ask for permission, I ask for cookies.
Praise be to the Flame.
May your enemies sizzle and your snacks be plentiful.
Become Ordained
Join the faithful. Receive your Certificate of Ordination
in the Church of the Incendiary Mustelid.
No prior fire stoat experience required.
By what name shall you be known to the Flame?
Let it be known throughout the Plains of Eidolon
and all territories beyond that
has been ordained as a Minister of the Flame
in the Church of the Incendiary Mustelid.
May your cookies be plentiful,
your enemies well-roasted,
and your bonded companion
only moderately stupid.
